Archive for the ‘Thoughts/Misc.’ Category

Every year around Christmastime, there are things that I traditionally watch, listen to, or read. This is one of them. It’s a little long, but if you can carve 15 minutes out of your day at some point between now and Christmas, I recommend a listen.

For further reading, check out David Sedaris’s essay, SantaLand Diaries, which chronicles his time spent working as an elf in Macy’s Herald Square. An excerpt:

Interpreters for the deaf came and taught us to sign “MERRY CHRISTMAS! I AM SANTA’S HELPER.” They told us to speak as we sign and to use bold, clear voices and bright facial expressions. They taught us to say “YOU ARE A VERY PRETTY BOY/GIRL! I LOVE YOU! DO YOU WANT A SURPRISE?”

My sister Amy lives above a deaf girl and has learned quite a bit of sign language. She taught some to me and so now I am able to say, “SANTA HAS A TUMOR IN HIS HEAD THE SIZE OF AN OLIVE. MAYBE IT WILL GO AWAY TOMORROW BUT I DON’T THINK SO.”

Merry Christmas!


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This lovely ad just sprang up next to my Yahoo mail…

Is it because I blog so much about baked goods?

Hear me, Internet: I AM NOT FAT!! For your information, I am on Day Four of the Insanity workout!

Which, by the way, is definitely insane. I’m still getting used to it, so I’m not sure if I prefer it over P90X or not. It’s heavy on cardio while P90X was more of a combination of cardio and resistance training. Pro: the Insanity workouts are shorter. Con: Shaun T is not as entertaining as Tony Horton. Further investigation is needed for me to form a concrete opinion, but for now I’m getting insane in the membrane.

Anyway, Internet, let’s get back to the basics, shall we? Ads for shoes, clothing…I can handle that. Just please don’t call me fat again.

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I could write…

I haven’t written a new post in a while, and I’m going to chalk it up to the dog days of summer. It was hot, I was lazy, and I guess I haven’t had anything to complain about. Now, it’s fall (I know it’s technically not fall, but for me September equals fall), but I’m still lazy, and I still don’t have anything to complain about. I think I’m suffering from blogger’s block.

I could write a paragraph dedicated to autumn: changing leaves, football, sweaters, and the omnipotence of pumpkin-flavored things. But that would be trite.

I could write about my thoughts on the most recent episode of Breaking Bad, but it might be a spoiler.

I could write about the weird dream I had last night, but nobody would care.

I could write about how I just poured the remaining granola bar crumbs from the package directly into my mouth, but that would be gross.

For now, I’m out of ideas.

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Either I’m just bored from reading the Internet all afternoon, or this is absolutely hilarious. I’m leaning towards the latter. Click to enlarge.

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Boy, do I miss the 90’s.

Not only is this a great commercial, but it actually makes me want to go shop at the Gap!

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A Quick List

Things I’ve Been Into Lately

Bridesmaids. The first time I saw this movie, I didn’t think it lived up to the hype. But, it’s been on one of the premium channels a lot lately, so I decided to give it another shot. As I expected, the movie is much funnier after multiple viewings.

Pulling weeds. When I was a kid and my mom made me pull weeds in the backyard, I used to hate it. These days, I actually find it quite enjoyable. Granted, I probably won’t want to be doing it when it’s 85 degrees outside, but right now the weather has only enhanced the experience. There’s something relaxing about digging out one weed at a time with my trusty trowel. Dandelions, beware!!

Fallout: New Vegas. I started playing this game about a year ago. I got through probably 1/3 of it but then started to get frustrated. The world was too large, I kept getting lost in the Mojave desert, and there were a few glitches in the game that were really killing things. So, I put it aside and busied myself with other games. Now, I’ve decided to go back and finish what I started. Turns out the game is actually really good. I just didn’t have the patience for it way back when, I guess.

Goya Coconut Cream. I didn’t know this existed until a couple of weeks ago. I found a recipe for Veggie Laksa, which looked pretty delicious, so I went out in search for coconut cream and found it in Stop & Shop. This syrupy product tastes like an Almond Joy, minus the chocolate. Delicious if you’re a coconut fan. Soon I’ll have to scour the internet for some dessert recipes that use it. Oh, the Laska was okay, but way too sweet for my liking. I like sweet, just not as a dinner flavor. Next time around I would cut down on the coconut cream and throw in some Thai chilies or something.

Sacre Bleu. Christopher Moore’s newest book. I’m about 60 pages in and I already love it. So far it’s a fictional story that takes place in Paris among group of real-life Impressionist and Post-Impressionistic painters. The story centers on Van Gogh’s death (apparently he shot himself in real life, but in the book it is presented as murder). Moore’s books are always hard to sum up, so check this out if you’re interested.

Breaking Bad. A few days ago, Michael and I started watching this show from the beginning. We’re about eight episodes in right now, and it kicks ass.

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12. Before Fallout became my go-to game, I had started getting into the habit of playing a couple rounds per day. This is my personalized golfer, who I have been sculpting into a master. He’s a work in progress.

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If there’s anyone else out there who is currently out of work, I started putting together a helpful guide to the ins and outs of unemployment. Hope this helps you through the hard times.

1. Are grocery stores open at 8:30am?

2. Am I allowed to wear the same shirt multiple days in a row?
Yes, but make sure you toss it in the hamper after three (3) days, max. If you happen to be leaving the house on one of those days, make sure there are no stains on it. If there are, change.

3. I’m home in the mornings, but how can I avoid my creepy mailman who always rings the doorbell because he likes to chat?
Make sure you keep the blinds closed until he delivers the mail. If you have the TV on, keep the volume down during the peak mail delivery time.

4. My couch cushion is developing a large crater where my ass sits. What should I do?
Flip and rotate couch cushions daily to avoid an “ass groove.”

5. What can I do to stay sane?
I recommend strenuous physical activity, such as sanding a deck or working on plyometric push ups.

6. How much time should I devote to job searching per day?
Do not get up from your computer until your eyes start to burn or you start considering new career paths, like alternative dance or glass blowing. If this happens, get up to stretch your legs and eat something.

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