Over the past month, I have been lucky enough to learn some invaluable life lessons and would like to share them with you in the hopes that, perhaps, they will help you avoid the aggravation and embarrassment that I have experienced firsthand.
Lesson One: If you lock yourself out of your apartment and are able to regain entry through the use of a spare set of keys that you have hidden outside somewhere, make sure you put the spare keys back immediately after use. Do not leave them sitting around on your kitchen table all week long, thinking, “The next time I go out to my car, I’ll put them back.” What will inevitably happen is that you will lock yourself out again the following week, only this time your regular keys AND spare keys will be stuck inside the house. If you’re somewhat lucky, as I was, you will have been on your way out anyway, and as such happen to be dressed appropriately (coat, hat, gloves, shoes, purse-minus-keys). In this case, feel free to wander the streets and eventually take refuge in the nearby library—kind of like the homeless people we loved to debate about in library school—until your significant other comes home from work to let you back in the house.
Lesson Two: If you bring your clothes to the laundromat, do not leave your tote bag of detergent and bleach in your car during the winter! Fun fact: laundry detergent freezes. And if you don’t already know that, you’ll be forced to learn it at a most inopportune time: right after you’ve put all of your clothes in the washing machines and go to unscrew the cap, at which point you will be met with a solid blue block. You will undoubtedly have to scrape some of it out with your car key, but when that becomes too difficult, you will probably have to use the laundromat’s own community bottle, which will run you $.75 per capful.
Lesson Three: Take these lessons to heart. Learn from them, and try not to repeat your mistakes twice out of mere laziness or general idiocy. If you’re smart about these things, then you won’t end up locking yourself out twice, or letting your detergent freeze twice (that’s right, it has happened again since the original incident).
I guess I am the prime example of someone who has to learn most things “the hard way.” Is there actually an easy way to learn this stuff? Aside from reading a blog like this?